I’ve been interested in these kinds of subjects since I was a young child. I even remember that I used to want to be a Parapsychologist when I was quite young. I watched the television programme ‘Most Haunted’ and just was drawn into that field of interest. I’m still wanting to study psychology, therefore I may decide to specialise in that field of psychology. I find it easy to believe in these kinds of things because I’ve always had random abilities in the intuitive department. I had precognitive dreams since I was young. I just knew things that were going to happen by feelings that came into my head. I spoke about it because I honestly had no idea that not everyone could do it. I’m still quite open about that side of me. I know that some of the people I know make fun of it but I don’t particularly care. I was doing some spell work to manifest things I need in my life tonight. I do believe that it works. I just cannot prove that it works.
I don’t do spell work that often but I’m going through a difficult time and thought that it may help. I turn to this subject when I see no hope in the physical world. I hope that, if there is a spirit world and energies that surround us, that they will help me out. I can’t get the living to see who I truly am. The character that I have is misinterpreted by others. I know that the energies aren’t right at this moment in time. I feel them laying very heavily on me. I just want to do my best for myself and others. I’d love to be able to create a miracle but that may not happen even doing energy spell work. I believe in this sort of thing more than I do any organised religion. I simply cannot believe in a God that would allow the suffering that goes on in this world. It seems that religion has also become a source of conflict. There are people using religion as an excuse to do some horrendous things. The spiritual/wiccan life offers so much more peace than any traditional religion. Paganism was the original religion before the others were even developed. Christians may have burnt a lot of ‘alleged witches’ during the burning times; but still they used the Pagan festival ideas for their own celebrations (e.g Christmas, Halloween, May Day and Easter – known as Yule, Samhain, Beltane and Ostara in the Pagan calendar). Unlike organised religion, Spirituality and Paganism teaches you to connect with nature and be an individual, rather than a group of sheep. It empowers you to walk confidently as someone that is seen as a ‘freak of nature’ by others. It enables you to become ‘okay’ with that label and use it to your advantage. I absolutely despise normal now. I like different. I find anything normal boring. And then organised religions eg. Christianity believe in heaven and hell. I do hope that individuals that carry out the most horrendous acts do go to a place like hell (this is why I’m trying to desperately make up for the bad things I’ve done). But, I’m more inclined to believe the reincarnation theory (a pagan theory).
Paganism beliefs state that there is a Summerland. This is effectively a waiting area for souls to go through the process of reincarnation. We meet loved ones in this place and work on our souls to decipher whether we have learned our our intended lesson before we reincarnate into another life. I know that I’ve been here before and believe I am quite an old soul. I’ve had too many weird experiences that I can’t possibly explain. I believe that my previous lives weren’t pleasant because I feel that some of my issues are not from this lifetime. We don’t remember past lives, but we do carry energy with us from each lifetime. There is no way of knowing when our incarnation is going to end. We can pass over before our goals are reached in our lifetimes. I feel like I have a huge amount of soul baggage. I’m starting to calm down a little as I’m getting older. I felt extremely lost as a child and younger adult. I never knew why. I am diagnosed with Asperger Syndrome, but there could be more too it on another level. I’ve always felt everything. The sensitivity that I have irritates me quite badly. I sometimes need peace and I just can’t get it because I pick things up and wake up from dreams that seem like they are telling me something. I don’t dream every night. That would drive me absolutely crazy.
I’ve trained myself to have snippets of dreams so that I can get proper sleep most of the time. I’ve had some very weird and quite brutal dreams recently. I even felt pain when I got smacked over the head with a metal bar in one of them. In another one, I got off a train on a dark journey and entered a grey scale mystical themed park. The dream was quite dark but I felt no fear. There were other details but I cannot mention them on a public blog because they are personal. I had an owl land in front of my car the other night when I was driving home and it just starred at me. A day later, I had that dream where I was knocked over the head with a metal bar (my head felt like it had been smashed in when I woke up for a few seconds). I’ve not had any more dreams since because I felt like I had to block everything off because I needed a break. I’ve seen owls quite a lot flying over my car when I’ve been driving but never look directly at me before. Owls have been a reoccurring theme for a few years now. I’ve had a lot of foxes run across the road in front of my car too. There’s suppose to be a meaning to them too. I’d love to talk all night about this topic, however, I do need sleep now.