Meltdown approaching in ….

I did end up cancelling what I had on today because I just feel like I can’t deal with it at the moment. I am seriously feeling like I’m approaching meltdown mode and being around others is only going to trigger one. I prefer to spend time with my Cats because they are less confusing to me. I’m going to do some exercise but most likely not the Gym today. And this is only because I feel so lazy about spending yesterday in Bed. I put some red dye back on my hair last night to make myself feel a little more alive. I actually have hair that feels not dry right now (which is unusual). I blasted it with the blow dryer and put coconut oil through it. I put it up in a messy clip because I have stupidly thick hair (not that I’m complaining when I go out and I have much more volume in my hair than other females without having to backcomb etc). I’m trying to grow it and if it gets caught on things then it snaps.

I’m watching ‘The Wright Stuff’. A school government got caught importing a sex doll and had child pornography images found on his computer. I think that is horrendous. The job he did made it even worse. I am not a person that would ever do that but I’m seen the same because I’ve been labelled a criminal. Potential employers only see the record above everything else. That is the main reason I’m still quite annoyed at the whole situation because I didn’t have to get a criminal record I’d had been diagnosed and received treatment as a child. I’m not an evil person and this is how the label makes me feel because that is what the word association is to me when I think of criminal. I have been made an angry person because of the label (and the subsequent judgments from others I’d received it when I’ve had to declare it). I have said some awful stuff to people because of feeling punished. I didn’t have to be honest about my past. I am overly honest. That is one of my biggest qualities and also failures. I do have the ability to lie. But, it is so easy for others to push the truth out of me. I’m not good at holding information inside of me if I’m pressed.

The Kindred Soul Project was a great idea on paper. However, it’s going to take a lot of work. I won’t be able to do it on my own and it won’t take 5 minutes. I just wanted to set something up to compensate for the ‘lack of service available’. I grew up around here and know the services will fail future generations (like they did me). I don’t think I’m ready to run something like that though. I’d love to make it a reality. I don’t think it is practical right now because I do not feel like I’ve reached that point in my life where I’m confident enough. I just hate seeing people failed. Then they have to suffer because the system did not help them.

I have to get on with my Maths work now. It isn’t something I want to do, but I need to pass this qualification to move onto A levels or Access (whichever I decide to do). 


9 thoughts on “Meltdown approaching in ….

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