I’ve recently realised that I’ve hit rock bottom. I may have comfortable surroundings etc but emotionally I have reached that point. I’ve had a difficult day and watching the news regarding yet another terrorist attack doesn’t enthuse me to remain to have any faith in humanity. I am sorry, but I can no longer believe that humans will be kind to one another. I have had experiences that have taught me otherwise. The things that are on the news every single day also tells me there is no hope in humans being kind anymore.
I am now resigned to my own fate that no one is going to do the right thing for me in my case. I have a mixture of disabilities that no one can understand when they present as a collective set of symptoms. Others are never going to be kind to a person that isn’t understandable to them. I’m just seen as evil because others don’t ‘get it’. I am having one of those tearful days anyway. I woke up tearful alongside my social anxiety yesterday morning. I feel so guilty for taking ‘Mister’ (the cat) to the vets to have his abscess removed/burst. He doesn’t look happy because it’s obviously quite sore. I wish I’d never taken him. However, I also couldn’t leave him with a massive lump on his head which was filling up with more and more fluid by the day. It wasn’t causing him too much distress but as it was getting bigger, it was affecting his ability to eat and he was also getting rather irritated by it due to the way he was scratching at it. I just feel that I can’t do right by anyone. Even when I’m trying to ‘do the right thing’, it’s normally seen by others as ‘the wrong thing’. I really try and I care so much.