I’m absolutely fed up of being ‘left out’. It is completely wrong. I’m just as talented and intelligent as those that are accepted by others. I probably work harder (I sometimes work 24/7), and it is NEVER good enough. I don’t deserve to be judged for things that happened. Especially now the truth has come out (because I made the effort to dig it out). I didn’t even deserve what happened. I’m not what I have been labeled. I’m having to deal with a lot on my own because the system has made mistakes. And there are times when I’m so alone at night, I literally am in tears. How is it fair to make someone feel that way?
I never lied to anyone. The system did the lying with the help of others that told lies about me. They wouldn’t like that sh*t if it was done to them. How the hell do you think I feel? I don’t have a lot of my family. I have to rely on myself because of the bullsh*t that has been spread about me. I didn’t deserve all of the pain and suffering I have had to endure in the last few years. I wouldn’t have had to go through a long court case and have orders on my name if others hadn’t stirred up the situation. I cannot stand it anymore. I do not trust anyone anymore. Others have to seriously consider how they would feel if they did the same to me. I would guarantee that they would think it’s unfair and be upset by it too. It’s even more distressing when your brain doesn’t work. I don’t understand things at the best of times. I’m not thick though and that doesn’t make me below others. That’s how I’ve been treated and continue to be treated. It is frustrating and upsetting because for the whole of my life I’ve longed for love. I’d pay thousands to be loved.
I’ve spoken to other children (now adults) that have been ‘in care of the system’. The ‘care plans’ are always based on making them feel as unloved and left out as possible. I feel that my honesty was used against me. I can’t lie. It’s part of my condition. I have to tell the truth, if I do lie, it eats at me and I have to admit it. But, honesty, makes me a good person. I’m worthy. The order was supposed to come off of my name later on this year. After everything, I deserve that to happen now that I have found everything out. How is it fair to keep things going knowing that things were never revealed and that is why I made those mistakes? That some things were done behind my back by the whole system supposed to be supporting me. It’s only morally right. Leaving things the way they are, knowing that it wasn’t just my fault, is completely morally wrong.