Regardless what a certain troll may be spouting. I am not a bad person. Yes, there has been a rather unfortunate turn of events over the last couple of years. These wouldn’t have happened if all involved had dealt with the situation appropriately. I hold my hands up in that respect too. I shouldn’t have said awful things and threatened the other person involved. But, at the time and, even now, I feel extremely let down by them. I have tried so hard to make up for my wrongs. But, it’s never enough for others. They just want to believe I’m bad because that is how they want to see me.
Even if I went out there and did something completely heroic, the bad label would still stick because people don’t understand my disability. They haven’t lived with my disability. They may think they know Asperger Syndrome. But, I don’t only have that, I have other things mixed in with that. I’m tired of the bullying and constant hate from other people. I’ve been keeping to myself and not bothering anyone in the way that I had previously in the past, yet I still get hassled and that isn’t fair. I feel like others are trying to destroy me by what they’ve done. I only ever wanted a friend. I didn’t have the intent to hurt others. I hate myself intensely for hurting others by accident. I tear myself apart every single day with that guilt. The things that are in place means that I can never make it right so I can feel less hateful of myself for everything. And it’s so distressing being in limbo like that. Others know that I don’t deserve to be punished forever, but I feel like I am being. And, it’s worse because I never did any of it on purpose. I just wanted a friend. I just needed the love that I never got in life. Love should never lead to something like what has happened. I am a child still crying out for the love that they need, so so badly.