I was at the Gym at half 7 this morning ! I got woken up by the cat that adopted me (Dave) at half 5 this morning because he was meowing at me asking to go out, and he makes me get up because he decides to scratch my carpet. I couldn’t get back to sleep so decided to get up. I’m still not healthy at all because my nails and hair keep snapping. I know that my hair will need trimming soon but I am trying to grow it so it puts me off. I know that it’s good for it but I have hair that naturally snaps so I end up with shorter hair than I want. I can’t blame the hairdresser for the way my hair acts. I had reasonable length nails until some just broke up. It’s not like I don’t eat. I actually need to cut down on the sweet stuff that I eat when I’m feeling down. Sugar loaded stuff. There’s no point going to the Gym if I’m loading it back up again.
I have decided that my role is to be the sunshine beaming youngster that leads the older ones to a new way of thinking. This will be difficult because I haven’t truly smiled for a long time. Others keep pushing me to deny my inner sadness. And to be truly honest, I am broken over everything that’s happened. Others cannot deny that they’ve caused me distress and pain. They just don’t want to admit it to themselves that they let me down, let alone to me and others. Why do you think certain things got said? This was due to me getting kicked out of a course that I really wanted to do and they never once stuck up for me or contacted me to see how I was after being treated like that!
I’m sorry but if others are committed to punishing me for retailiating, then certain things need to be said. I felt like no one cared and because of how I’m being treated now, I feel the same. That is why I’ve been angry all this time. I will always feel deeply let down and I probably took it harder because of my experiences with my sons adoption etc. No one will reconsider because they’re taking the easy option and proceeding to leave me behind… putting me in the hands of those that are committed to not understanding disability and throwing me in prison. That doesn’t make them all good people, this makes them awful. There is simply no way that adults much older than me don’t realise those implications. If others give me a chance, I will be the brightest asset that has existed in a very long time. I’m not like my age group, this makes me stand out for a start. I’m still weird but I’ve trained it into a more unique fun type of weird. An irresistible fun weird. I am one of those rare treasures now, however, I won’t be vintage for many years yet 🙂