Getting rid of this weight!

I’ve made a decision that I cannot stand this weight that I’ve gained. I only have to look at food to gain weight at the moment. I was comfort eating but not anymore so it’s not even down to consuming food now. I looked in the mirror today and absolutely despised how chubby I looked. I’ve gained over a stone in a few months! It’s bad enough having an ugly face, let alone being chubby too. I absolutely hate my face but I can’t change it. There is no way to change an ugly looking face by losing weight. And, there is only so much that makeup can achieve. I can’t cover every awful feature with makeup because it would just show them off. I have a big enough head without my body being the same. I’m only short, so I look larger.

I feel like a walking tub of lard right now. I only had a sandwich all day. I skipped an evening meal because I am just not hungry. It’s hard at first but after a while, there isn’t a need for food to enable you to have enough energy. It adjusts. I’m not even hungry right now. I’m tired… and I know that is from not eating. But, I’m sure that I can get used to that feeling. I’m not planning to eat until tomorrow evening and that’s only half a pizza and a few bits when I go to my Mum’s. Then I have to have the meat filled Sunday Lunch at hers (even though I do not like meat). I won’t be eating anything at home in between and next week I don’t plan to eat during the weekdays. It is the only way to not gain weight. I’ve tried every other way! I even walked half of the way to the main city around here from my home which is quite a lot of miles.. I felt better for it and my stomach has slightly gone down, but I still feel bigger than I should be. I try to go the Gym but it isn’t something that I enjoy. I’m extremely non-sporty.

I can’t even run without feeling sore. Also, my coordination is completely awful so there is always a chance that I will literally trip over my feet. I’m finding it hard to walk at the moment. I ache all around my hips and when I was walking today it was like carrying a lump of led around. It wasn’t even painful as such, just felt like an effort because it felt heavy and achy. I’m not fit enough (plus weather is quite rainy) anymore to walk for two hours across to the next town two to three days a week now. It is just a matter of having gotten ill and been lazy… I used to get people telling me that I must be crazy to do that kind of exercise  when I have a car to get from one place to another. Just because you have a car doesn’t mean you have to use it all the time. I appreciate being able to drive (passed my practical test first time and theory on my 2nd attempt), but when I go for a walk I feel much more free. A car is like being in a portable box. It is useful to get to places, but it’s enclosed. I really don’t cope well when I feel trapped into a space or even a situation. I try not to use lifts, but I do if I am with others. I always have the fear that it’s going to stop and I’ll get stuck in there. I just couldn’t do that because I need fresh air and light. There is a reason for that which stems from my childhood experiences but I’m not prepared to go  into that here. I’ve gone off on a tangent enough. I’m quite tired now so I’m going to shut up and sleep…