I had a lovely dream… but then woke up to this reality…

I had a very comforting dream  last night. It was quite confusing in parts but at the same time comforting. I know that this sounds confusing in itself, but I assure you that as I explain the things that happened in it you’ll see why I say that. The person in my dream was not who everyone reading this would presume. It is equally someone I cannot see because of an education providers refusal to see that my issues don’t make me an awful person. I’ve been warned and as I’m on my final straw before I get imprisoned for my issues I can not be seen to be trying to push anyone else into friendships they do not want. This is why I was surprised that the person was in this dream. There is a high chance that they’ll never see this any way because like a lot of people, they don’t want to know.

Back to the dream. It started off quite confusing and I can’t remember much of these bits. It’s very difficult to recall beginnings of dreams in general. It revolved around a complex with a shop , but everything was quite far from that shop. The person was working there. I don’t know parts of the dream but they showed absolutely no interest in me until I had a meltdown and was quite explicit about what I felt. Eg. Others getting attention and loved while I was being left on the sidelines because people were so quick to write me off. They then spent a bit of time with me and these were the lovely moments of the dream. There was a group of us and we were doing art at a table. I say art, well my paper just had colours on it. The person stood next to me for a while. General nice chit chat stuff, when I literally came out with ‘insert persons name, I’m gay’. Now, I would never do that in reality when talking to someone face to face. It was like I was saying those words as a child because it wasn’t in my adult voice. It was all lovely and I never wanted to wake up. I was paired up with a younger girl at the end. Then they asked me where I lived. I told them my old care home address (when I was in a care home for those with asds). The timeline is messed up because I didn’t know the person in my dream back then and I’ve not lived in the care home for 7 years. I knew I was about to wake up when everything went darker, everyone in the dream disappeared and I woke up to the cold reality of life where I know that I won’t ever have what the dream gave me. It felt so harsh especially since my flat was also quite chilly due to the heating being off all night.