I’m able to sleep again but I keep waking up from nightmares. I can’t even remember half of them. I know that they’re frightening because I wake up shaking and feel like I’ve had a nightmare. It’s happened several times over yesterday and today. I went for a nap yesterday because I hadn’t slept the night before. I woke up shaking with fear. I fell asleep a few hours ago and I’m now waking up again shaking in fear. I’ve had seizures so I’m not sure if it’s just nightmares. I have no control over my shakiness when I wake up until I have been awake a few minutes. It’s not like the ones I had as a child if they are where my whole right side used to lose the ability to feel. My arm and leg on my right side felt like heavy rubber. I could pick my floppy arm up with my working arm and it wouldn’t feel like it was connected to me.
I think they did damage my brain and then having been given medication for it on top which was far too strong has permanently stunted my brain development. These are definitely nightmares because the above doesn’t happen now. I wake up with intense fear after nightmares which I cannot remember. I have high anxiety levels at the moment so I’m going to find things a lot scarier than normal. I am literally scared of other people and that makes me feel stupid. But then I think to myself that I cannot trust people because every time I’ve let my guard down I got burnt. I feel caged, lost and alone and even if I socialised it would still be like that. I cannot connect with another person on and kind of level because I have built those walls up to such a degree that I couldn’t possibly feel comfortable to connect to another person on any level. I’m tired and I want to go back to sleep but I’m not over my last nightmare yet.