Worn out with how things are… Please I need things to change.

I don’t want to appear pushy but I wish that things weren’t staying as they are regarding the order etc because it’s not fair to punish me forever. I can’t help it if I feel stressed out and upset over it. I’ve suffered enough. I made my mistakes because I was young and stupid. I made my them because I was naïve and I rushed into things which I shouldn’t have done. I was pushed to say the things I did by how I was treated. It continues to affect me, but I’m not the one that can change it. I fought for the help that I’m currently getting for many years. The help that I couldn’t get under social services because the system is so unfit for purpose. I’ve worked so hard. I never deserved to be punished for things relating to my disability anyway. The system has to put away its red tape and do what is right rather than what legislation states can and can’t happen.

If someone has worked hard on recovery to become as ‘normal’ as possible, isn’t it time I was given something positive back. Leaving things as they are isn’t helping me. I may have pushed it to the back of my mind but it still affects me on a daily basis because I hate the thought of things being this way any longer. It’s making me worn out just thinking about this staying the way it is forever. I’ve been punished enough. I’ve learned my lesson. I care about the other person but if they even respected me even a little as a person they’d take it off or at least apply to vary it so that it doesn’t last indefinitely. I’m not even asking them to care about me. I’m a different person now. I used to let my Asperger Syndrome define me, but there’s nothing more annoying to me now than being seen as a female with ASD. I am Em. Not a female on the spectrum. I have an identity beyond that fact. I just need this nightmare over because it’s horrible being punished day after day by an order I no longer deserve. I’ve served my punishment several times over and it’s cruel to keep it on and not work things out. I can’t stand things staying as they are right now.