I know that normally this blog focuses on everyday life. However, I’ve not done a lot today apart from go to a meeting to make arrangements for going to my PIP appointment with my new mentor. I have used my car everywhere that I’ve been today because I’m just exhausted. I’m on vitamin supplements so I shouldn’t be feeling this awful. I feel like I’ve spent so long putting on a brave face and fighting illness that it’s just got too much for me today. I really get affected by some dreams I have too because I’ve had a lot of them happen. I’m not sure if this was a nightmare or one of those dreams this morning. I can’t put details on here because it’s to do with the lives of other people, not mine. I’ve thought about it all day and it’s quite irritating. I care too much about others so it bugs me. I don’t like people worrying about me but I really do worry about them. I don’t see the point in me seeing things in dreams that I cannot do anything about. It’s extremely stressful. I don’t need it because I’m stressed about trying to pass exams and the benefit change over.
Anyway, in regards to Autism/Aspergers perceptions and how they bug me. I would like to point out that there is an emphasis that the professionals in the system seem to want to direct us all into the same social groups (eg. ones that are specifically for those with learning disabilities or those with Autistic Spectrum Conditions). That has made my issues worse. I don’t like feeling segregated from others and this seems the way society deals with those of us with any types of conditions. I don’t want to be put into what others consider my own kind. Our diagnoses doesn’t mean we have anything else in common. I want a ‘normal life’ which has been the cause of my issues that stemmed from not being allowed to have that. I accepted being in the system when I was younger but I want to be allowed to be part of society. It would help my problems quite a huge amount. I am a person as well as a diagnosis and if others truly listened to me then they would be able to see this factor. I want to have a role in society despite my past screw ups. I’ve now matured and I do not wish to have my past stop my future. I don’t want to get put back into the same system that caused me to get so frustrated that I behaved in the way that I did. I can’t stand going back into that system. I’m refuse to go through all that I have done and be put back into that same system that actually made my behaviour problems worse. I’m not in the financial position to move areas yet, however this is still a future plan… but in the meantime I do not want to go back into that system because it’s horrible and caused my problems initially. I’m mature enough to say it straight out now instead of living in hell because I feel that I have no choice. I’m a survivor of our horrendous social care system and I do not wish to go back into a system that made my life hell. It won’t make me and good or kind person because of the frustration which it causes me.