I would just like to start off by saying that if I said I’d do anything today, then please be patient with me because I’m really not feeling right. I’ve picked up my iron tablets (don’t ask me to spell their actual name because I can’t). I’m hoping that they help me not feel so tired. I didn’t sleep at all last night. I fell asleep for a few hours today. However, I feel absolutely awful. I went out for a short walk to collect my medication but I just feel like dropping off to sleep again now.
I am trying so hard to avoid a complete breakdown. The things that have gone on have affected me more than anyone will ever know. Even though I have started to move on, more in like a stubborn screw the people who don’t understand matter than sincerely, I still have to live with being too anxious to go out to socialise for the rest of my life. I can’t trust anyone now. I’m scared of my door buzzer and it literally gives me an anxiety attack every time someone presses it. I’m scared to open the mail. I can never be in a close relationship with anyone else because I can’t trust others. I can’t sleep properly because of nightmares relating to anything. I simply can’t carry on with this hell-like existence. I’m not going to be able to avoid a breakdown if these things carry on long term.
I tried to explain to everyone involved how I was being affected. I was just punished for saying those things. I’d love for others to do something to repair everything that has happened. I can’t make them though. If I try to do that then I look like a narc and a controlling awful person. That’s what I was accused of being by being honest before and thrown into court because no one understood the situation properly.