I know that it’s raining which is our normal bank holiday weather. I’m overlooking that and chilling out today. The weather doesn’t matter to me. I’m out of prison. That is the most important thing to me at this moment in time. I would like to apologise for all the things that I did in the past, even though I never meant to act in those ways. I was young and immature. That inappropriateness will NEVER happen again after my wake up call. I never want to go back to an environment like that again. I won’t even break the law by speeding now or anything I know is illegal. I’m not taking that risk. I will probably become one of those boring people (Roy Cropper Coronation Street) that will not take ANY risks in life. It’s better than the alternative though.
I’ve always been too honest for my own good. That is something I’m going to cut back on. I’m not going to be dishonest. I’m just not going to be a ‘open’ as I have been about personal aspects of my life. I’m unable to lie. I’m that kind of person. When I used to give people psychic readings it was very difficult when I picked up something bad either using the cards or clairvoyant skills. The rules of the industry is that you do NOT tell people that something bad is coming directly. There were people coming for readings asking me whether they’d ever have a child of their own due to fertility problems etc. I picked up that they’d never have their own child. I had to skip around the details and suggest that if they don’t manage to get pregnant then there is always adoption. I didn’t like giving people false hope if it wasn’t their ‘destiny’.
It is cruel. I’ve been scammed by psychics who gave me false hope and now I’m financially struggling because I was conned out of all my savings (which was originally medical compensation). It isn’t nice to be on the receiving end of that kind of thing. I got kicked off the site I worked for because I questioned their morals after that happened to me. I reported them and they didn’t like it but our authorities couldn’t do anything about it because the site wasn’t based in the UK.
I’ve learned some very hard lessons over the years, but it’s made me who I am. Prison actually made me mature because I knew that I had to get my act together and rely on myself instead of others. The opinions of others are never going to give me a happy life. I’ll be trying to constantly live up to expectation which cause me extreme stress. I’m a very spiritual person. I was in the cell waiting for my appeal on my own but I knew I wasn’t alone. I believe in angels and I left it up to them to grant me my freedom. I wrote in the notebook they gave me while I was inside that I’d learned my lesson but I was leaving it up to the angels to decide if my karma was now spent. I promised that I’d spend my life doing things to help others not end up in that situation if I was freed. I meant every word.
I know that I’m going to have to do a hell of a lot to prove that I have completely changed my way of thinking for many people who know my past actions. Life is a blessing, every day is a gift. It’s not worth wasting on stupid things. They never seem stupid until after they’re over. However, in the grand scale of things, they were pathetic. I should have let things go but I didn’t and I paid for it.