I’ve probably shot up to 10 stone now because I’ve eaten a lot and get constantly hungry. I hate the fat around my thighs. I liked being smaller and this weight gain has taken a few months. I was just under 9 stone and now I’m 14lbs heavier. That is nearly a lb gain a week. I’ve been walking but not doing any other exercise. I’ve felt like crap and been bloated. I keep itching but it’s not flea bites as I’m not getting visible bites but really itchy skin. It’s not like I’ve changed anything I have a bath in or what I wash my clothing in. There isn’t even a rash coming up so it isn’t an allergy. I can’t go into details but my monthly is still not normal and I’m not looking forward to the next few days.
I just have to put up with it because I’ve been the GP and they can’t find out why it’s the way that it is and has been for nearly 2 and a half years. It’s not nice and I am also getting crusty sore scabby bits on the outside of my ears. It was on both but now it’s only on one of them. On that side it is sore. The other side wasn’t sore. I haven’t felt well and I’m sure it’s much more than depression sometimes but the GP always puts it down to mental health rather than anything physical. I’m definitely not imagining the sores in my ear, my bloatedness and monthly issues. Yes, sometimes tiredness is to do with depression but I’ve also had headaches and a constant runny nose for weeks. I know there is something wrong because I never have a day where I don’t get exhaustingly tired and have to go for a nap. Even when I sleep at night I still have the same issue.
I don’t like going the GP, let alone having tests done but I’m never going to go back to any kind of normal life feeling like this on a daily basis. I’ve felt increasingly tired over the last 5 years and it’s gradually got painful to stay awake without napping during the day. I’m never going to be able to work as a long term goal after getting over my anxiety and trauma if I have to nap in the middle of a working day. I won’t even be able to do my unpaid community payback the way I am and a court isn’t going to accept I’m unable to do it without medical evidence. I used to be able to have plans for most of the week and now I’m barely able to manage the appointments and commitments that I have to do. I probably wouldn’t have gained all the weight if I wasn’t sitting at home stuffing myself with food. It’s not even all unhealthy but the amount I’m eating. I can’t go on like that because I’ll end up huge. The more I tell myself to develop some sort of control, the more I compulsively eat. I started compulsively eating to get energy because of being tired all the time. I have to stuff myself to build up enough energy to do household tasks let alone going for walks. I have to overeat to maintain weight and that has been going on for over a year now. I wasn’t really fussy on that side because I liked being able to overeat a bit and not get fatter. It’s now beyond the point where it’s just overeating. It’s stuffing myself so I do get weight gain. I don’t want to stuff myself but I have no energy if I don’t eat a load of food all at once.