I got up at an early hour to get the cat into the Vets because her teeth are playing up. She’s got to go back for dental work next month. I need to take Mister to see the nurse at the Vets later this week because his claws are so long that they are like daggers. We’ve just about got rid of the fleas now. That’s a relief because I was getting extremely irritated by them. The issue is over for another year because of the weather changes but I’m making sure that they are checked more regularly when it gets warmer. The only reason why I didn’t catch them in time was due to the fact that when they got them I was in prison. I’m normally on top of it since the one it ended up out of control a couple of years ago. I didn’t get to them in time at that point because I’d spent most of that opposing my son’s adoption in court. I try not to let life things get in the way of issues that could get out of control. It happens occasionally because things in life are never able to be timed or planned.
I got a letter through the post today giving me a date for my PIP tribunal. I requested an urgent hearing 3 weeks ago because I’ve been waiting since March and I financially can’t afford to sit on the list any longer. It’s in a few weeks. I’m going to have to look through the paperwork so that I can make a case involving references to parts of that. I’m not qualified enough to represent it like a solicitor. I may shove a few human rights article references within my argument but only very briefly. I don’t want to go off on a tangent from my main points to do with the reason I am in need and I can’t work. It is easy to confuse a tribunal panel with irrelevant facts and they won’t see the point that I need to make in order to be successful in my appeal. The fact that I am depressed is not going to make presenting my case easy. I’m not great at talking to people at the best of times. I just want to sort everything out and then have a break because I’m feeling quite tired all the time. It will be some weight off me that has been looming for most of this year. I wasn’t depressed when the PIP refusal started so I’m not making it up when I say that I feel worse than I did when I had my PIP assessment. I should get ESA’s decision any day now. I really have a strong aversion to brown envelopes because of what is normally in them. This year it’s been brown envelopes saying my benefits have gone down or I’ve been refused them. Therefore I have began to feel reluctant to open them every time I get one of those letters from the DWP nowadays. I’m not the only disabled person saying the above. There are lots of those with disabilities that literally fear these letters because of the benefit changes. I fear the migration from ESA to Universal Credit due to the mess that has been publicised about the new system. We will all get changed over eventually though and anyone that has to make a new claim (for instance if they move area) have to apply for Universal Credit already.
I’d like to be able to work rather than have all this hassle with the benefits agencies. I wouldn’t be able to hold down a job though because I’m in no fit state to work. I have a constant level of high anxiety. The lack of sleep also has it’s affects on my mental health. There are days I actually don’t go out now… which has never been the case previously. I used to go out daily even if it was just for a walk. I’m not in the best physical health nowadays either. I’m definitely not as resilient as I used to be as a younger person. I feel more affected by stress now. I used to just let it bounce off of me and get over it quite quickly. It’s not like that anymore. Stress literally has made me ill. I’ve even been sick because of stress at times. It happens to people who have been through a lot mentally and physically. It can take years to build up but eventually your pressure cooker will reach it’s limit. It’s hard not to let that blow when you’re dealing with others around you that have no understanding of your disability issues. It’s like talking to brick walls and getting no where. I’m not the only one that says this with the PDA type Autism. Others expect us not to meltdown but if they aren’t even attempting to understand what we’re saying how can we not?