I am aware that this sounds lazy to anyone that doesn’t know how exhausting interacting with others is when you have a form of Autism. I assure readers of the blog that I am entirely the opposite. I haven’t ever been lazy. I’ve been known to get something done by the morning while others are sleeping. I feel completely wiped out after this week. I haven’t been that active for a long time due to depression and the trauma that I felt over my past. I found it quite difficult after almost 2 years of barely doing anything.
I enjoy being busy but I end up flat on my face after interacting with other people. I spent half of today asleep. The kind of sleep I don’t have that often. I normally only light sleep. I literally find myself waking up at any sort of noise. I was completely knocked out for hours today. I had a bizarre dream too. I was subjected to a lot hate because of being against drink and drugs (not that I am particularly one or the other in waking life). Then there was a long quiet road which I kept constantly crossing over. There was a twist in this dream. I was being followed across the road by one black Gorilla and one brown Gorilla. I did feel stressed in the dream because of the hate I’d experienced in it. They weren’t attacking me or even aggressive but just following me across the road. The dream was longer than that but I only remember the parts which happened just before I woke up.
I’m hoping to recover before Monday because that is the next time I have to discuss Pathological Demand Avoidance with someone. It’s not just about talking about the condition but learning to compromise and reach an agreement to improve things for myself and others. I’m always going to feel tired after interacting with others but I’m hoping that I feel less wiped once I get used to regular social interaction again. Before anyone thinks I have forgotten to post my for the hashtag which is against Autistics being stuck in ATU’s. That is on my to-do list which will be completed by the end of the weekend.