Things are getting better :) Well some aspects are improving. I’m working on the rest after Christmas.

I have only been on my Carb Blockers for a week and already lost 3lbs! However I can’t really judge it yet because it could have been water weight due to the time of the month. That also seems to behaving itself so far. I don’t want to tempt fate though because it may decide to start misbehaving again. I do have monthly pains so they could easily be signifying it might get still go the other way. I also don’t eat bread every day now because overdoing that causes bloating. I feel less miserable over my constant weight yoyoing now that it’s going the right direction again. I’ve managed to get more sleep. Admittedly, I haven’t got a proper sleeping pattern yet but the fact that I’m at least sleeping enough at some point. It’s a slow process but gradually making changes is less exhausting and overwhelming.

I will hopefully have everything sorted by the new year. I don’t like Christmas because it’s not a pleasant time for those of us that have had children taken for adoption. It’s hard to see others having Christmas with their Children and not feel like I’m missing all that with my own son. I’ve numbed myself to that now but it doesn’t mean that there isn’t times over that season where it still hurts me. I lost my Dad in 2010 as well so it probably won’t ever feel like a true Christmas anymore. I just want a quiet Christmas to myself. I need to get myself prepared for next year because if it’s anything like 2018 has been I’ll need to be as strong and resilient as possible. I’m certainly not feeling that way yet. 

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