I’m sorry I cannot help the way I am affected…

I really do not want to upset anyone else but I cannot help how I’m being affected by things. I am not a danger to anyone. No one needs protecting from me. I’m a weakling who cannot fight even if my life depended on it. Contrary to popular belief, I am also not a psycho type. I genuinely made my mistakes due to not listening and anger. If anything I made my mistakes because I cared too much. I’m not sleeping because how things are regarding the order etc is leaving things stuck. There can be no resolution to make things ok. I shouldn’t have to pay for my mistakes any longer. I’ve said time and time again that the way things are keeps me awake at night. I’m not listened to but was just punished. This is not a choice. I don’t want to be affected like this… I just want sleep. I just cannot settle while things remain as they are right now. It isn’t going to change because right now there is no end date to that order. I am no threat to anyone. I have been trying to get others to see that for a long time but they just see me as they want to see me… not the childlike minded innocent that I actually am. Yes I have lost my shit over things but that was anger. I was rightfully angry at that time. I’m only human with added autism etc thrown into the mix. I have shown remorse so please can people start being fair to me and just either lift the order or put a reasonable time limit on it…like the 18 months before I broke it originally. At least then it’s more fair than it is now. 

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