I was on the rota for Fledglings on a Monday. I didn’t manage to get there yesterday because of things that I had on. I’ve just finished the feedback now. I will have to get up earlier tomorrow to move the car. I had to park it on the grass under the trees just outside here due to our car park being when I got back home tonight. I like being awake at this time of the night. I find it more relaxing when no one else is around. I also get more done because others are asleep so I don’t get messages in between things. I only had 4 hours sleep last night. I don’t know how I am still awake. I’m starting to feel brain fogged. I like to wear my brain out so that it stops being active at night.
I have to work on my entry for the art exhibition this year over the next few days. I have no ideas yet. The theme doesn’t really help me get any inspiration. I need to up my standard because the two works I submitted last year didn’t sell. I only found this out the other day. I hold my hands up to rushing my artwork last year. I am going to concentrate on one piece this year so that I am not rushing things and able to raise my artwork standard more comfortably. I’m new to submitting art to places. I haven’t developed a refined style yet. That is what happens when you’re a jack of all trades but a master of none and still young in comparison to a lot of the individuals that have firmly established themselves in various industries. You can’t teach talent from scratch, only develop what skills are already there. It is hard to do that when you lack confidence due to your life experiences and also that you’re also a shy, reserved kind of character. I may call my blog ‘Musings of a Trainee Battleaxe’ but that is the public persona that I developed to bring out the information that I do to the readers. I feel strongly about fighting for change and exposing the wrong doings of those in authority due to my own experience growing up and in more recent years.
I learned the hard way that those involved in anything to do with publishing, writing and all the other stuff that requires someone to be accessible to the outside world… there has to be two lives, a private one and one that you share with the public in line with work etc. I had to literally take my self published book about my childhood and teenage years because my honesty was blatantly used against me by those that wanted to use things I’d discussed in the book as ammunition to either get me into trouble etc. I didn’t have to put my life out there. I did it to help others get through the battles that I’ve had to tackle. I wrote that book in extremely difficult circumstances. I was on a lot of medication which affected how I put words together. I know that other writers have criticised the grammar and sentence structure. It was the best that I could do at that time. I released it like that for a reason. I wanted it to be as authentic as possible and for it to sound like it was written by a youngster with learning disabilities. I wanted to portray the innocence of how they thought vs. the cruel harsh reality of the world that they were thrown into because of who they were as a person.