Everything is just so depressing right now…. the rain could go away for a start.

The weather is absolutely annoying. It hasn’t stopped raining for a few days. I wouldn’t have been able to go for a walk the last couple of days due to extreme tiredness anyway. I feel stuck because I can’t do a lot feeling this way. I had to cancel plans that I had today. I would have got soaked getting to where I had to go as well. I feel awful enough without getting a cold on top of everything.

It could be my fault that I feel this awful. I stopped my iron supplement tablets the day that I found out the test results showed I was no longer anaemic. I don’t like the side effects of them on my stomach. Therefore, I couldn’t wait to come off them once I knew that my levels were ‘normal’. That was only two weeks ago. I’ve been eating all healthy stuff so my iron levels shouldn’t have dropped that quickly. I know for a fact that you cannot be on those tablets long term because it’s not safe. They aren’t made for long term use but only to build iron levels back up as a temporary fix. I started them again today but only because I’ve reached the point where I’m too exhausted to actually function in every day life. If I hadn’t started them again I’d be just sleeping all the time.

I also was trying to come off my antidepressants in stages. That probably hasn’t helped matters. I’m taking them every two days for a few weeks, then every three days for the next few weeks after that, and so on. I must stress how important it is to not just ditch antidepressant medication. I’ve tried that many times when I was younger and it just sets any potential progress back to the point where your depression was worst. It can cause your brain to go a bit loopy. It is important not to let the levels of medication go down too much all at once when your brain is so use to a daily dosage of those particular chemicals.

In an ideal scenario, one day I want to be off all medication. I know many people that are all for natural alternatives. I keep meeting other people who have made these lifestyle choices. They are so much more healthier than those living on prescription medication. They have massive amounts of energy, don’t suffer from the likes bloating and hormonal weight gain and live much happier lives than those on many routine medications. I’m not advocating that it is a viable option for everyone. I know it is an option that I personally wish to choose. The antidepressants aren’t something I have to rely on in order to keep me alive. The iron supplement tablets kind of keep me alive as they stop me getting anaemic which can develop into more serious conditions if levels go extremely far down. However, I’m sure that I can change my diet to get the iron that those tablets give me. The side-effects of all these medications aren’t pleasant either. Antidepressants can make you feel sick for the first fortnight. Iron tablets can irritate your stomach which isn’t very comfortable. There are many other side effects but these are the main ones I experience.

I was medicated since I was eight years old after developing epilepsy. I grew out of that by aged 11. However, when I came off that medication, my autistic traits started. It was also discovered that I had been given medication that was too strong for me. The consultant responsible was sued because they did the same to many other local children diagnosed with epilepsy. I don’t want to have medication my entire life as an adult. I didn’t have any choice but to take what I was told was best for me then but now I’m an adult who can question what is in ‘my best interests’. I don’t think medication is best for me in the long term. I’ve come to terms with everything that caused my depression now. I’m in a lot better place mentally than I have been my entire life at this point. Time is what I needed to come to terms with everything that gave me mental illness symptoms. The medication is only a mask that dulls any emotional pain until that is possible. 

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2 thoughts on “Everything is just so depressing right now…. the rain could go away for a start.

  1. Em, you said in your last paragraph.

    “I was medicated since I was 8 years old after developing epilepsy. I grew out of that by aged 11. However, when I came off that medication, my autism behaviours started. It was also discovered that I had been given medication that was too strong for me. The consultant got sued because they did the same to many other local children diagnosed with epilepsy. I don’t want to have medication my entire life as an adult. I didn’t have any choice but to take what I was told was best for me then but now I’m an adult who can question what is ‘in my best interests’. I don’t think medication is best for me in the long term. I’ve come to terms with everything that caused my depression now. I’m in a lot better place mentally than I have been my entire life at this point. Time is what I needed to come to terms with everything that gave me mental illness symptoms. The medication is only a mask that dulls any emotional pain until that is possible.”

    Time is indeed very helpful – and I think that may have been a factor in the recognition of your autistic behaviour.

    When you talk about it – do you mean demand avoidance and obsessive and compulsive behaviours in attempts to gain friendships/relationships?

    Many people are so sedated [thinking of the Autistic People against Neuroleptic Abuse group in particular] – being autistic takes lots of energy especially when you are dealing with anti-epileptic medication in your pre-teenage years.

    And there is always the distinct possibility of “social demands increasing” and being less able to meet them.

    And the response to the medication should have been an indicator. The whole “lowest effective dose” thing.

    I dare say child-Em might have been considered non-compliant and non-adhesive to the protocol.

    Yes, “coming to terms” is a big thing – and I am glad you are in a better mental place.

    Like

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