Briefly having a break after two nights of working on the brand idea etc.

I have had a few days where I have most likely only slept six-ish hours. I was working on my brand for the last two nights. Then I woke up during the day to do all the normal things. I have also knitted the last part of my scarf: photo coming soon! I feel absolutely worn out right now. I am certainly not doing any more on the brand tonight because I can’t burn the candle at both ends for more than a few days. I’m proud of my work so far but I know there is a vast amount of stuff to do in order to make sure the idea is a success.

There has been no t-shirts etc sold on the link that I put on here last night. I wasn’t expecting there to be… at least not yet. I only get a percentage of that for the designs that I upload, which isn’t a lot; £1 to £2 per item. I’m going to branch out some more once I’ve done a little more research and planning. I’m starting small due to being inexperienced and lacking resources that established businesses have at their disposal. I need to work up to the threshold where I can officially come off benefits without it being a struggle. That is a balancing act that not many have managed to pull off without causing themselves financial issues. I am aware that, unless I get lucky with my ideas for the Villanelle brand, the venture could just be a non-starter. I have until at least September until my ESA is reassessed. I have breathing space to try things out while I’m still in the support group of that benefit. I’ve only had PIP granted until 2023. I do not trust the system in regards to making it as challenging as possible to get it reapproved again. Benefits shouldn’t be a permanent option anyway. Although, I fully support those that have no choice because they are unable to work getting benefits.

I’m not sure if I will be able to work consistently yet due to how unwell I’ve kept feeling after being quite active on a daily basis. I’m just exhausted so much that it starts preventing me from getting things done in every day life. I only just sold my crutches which I got a while back when my knee was injured and kept swelling up. I now have pulled a muscle in the back of my leg. I don’t have a clue how I did it. It hurts when I walk at the moment. I also have an irritating ache in my lower back which is making me feel quite stiff. This is what happens when I try to function consistently without taking a few days break in between. I was driving home tonight after I had been knitting earlier. I got a pain shoot through my wrist when I was gripping the steering wheel. I haven’t been to the GP about these little issues because I don’t think that they’ll take me seriously. I take up enough of their time with my anaemia issues. I have enough of blood tests due to that illness. I just tell myself that I’m getting old. I can’t believe that I am 32 already this year. I know that others older than me don’t think that is too bad. I just feel that the last few decade has gone so quickly. It was Father’s Day today. I realised that my dad has been gone nearly a decade already. I’m sure that I’m going to die younger too. I find it scary to think that at this point, aged 32, my dad would have been half way through his life and not had any inkling that this was the case; he passed away at 62. He had a progressive illness throughout his life but his death was still unexpected at that age. I’m just hoping that these things which I am experiencing doesn’t cause me to have a similar fate. I don’t have what he had as far as I know. His lung condition was caused by industry work he did as an engineer. 

I must go now because the cats have bought in a mouse and I need to catch it before they chase it underneath something. They were fighting over it when they first came in the window. It looks like Mimi caught it and Mister chased her to nick it from her. It ran away from both of them when it got the chance. 

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