There are certain things I do not like when I’m trying to rebuild my life.

I am not overly sensitive, well at least I try not to be, but there are certain things that others do… most likely unintentionally, which doesn’t help in regards to me trying to move on from my past. I do find it quite hard to live in the area where I grew up due to a lot of things that happened here. The memories are sometimes difficult enough without careless comments being made by others during interactions with them. I don’t want people bringing up subjects or people from my past. I made mistakes while growing up here and I have paid for my naïveté etc several times over. There is always a chance that I will meet those people within the local area. I have come face to face with certain individuals that are linked with my past a few times since I moved back to this area. I didn’t say anything to them and I’m hoping that they didn’t recognise me.

I am far from completely settled at this point. I may give the impression that not a lot bothers me but that is just me trying to get on with everyday life. I grew up as the misunderstood weird child because autism wasn’t really understood when I was younger. I wasn’t even diagnosed at school. Even after my diagnosis I found that others weren’t understanding within the system. I ended up being failed back in the last decade because things weren’t as advanced in autism support. It still isn’t brilliant but I feel that it was worse back in 2004 at the time I received my diagnosis. There is still a long way to go after many things that have surfaced over the past couple of years, some of which were going on behind closed doors for many years.

I’m still fragile from things that has happened in the past throughout my life, even from way back. I would appreciate if others didn’t mention certain people or subjects that make me feel uncomfortable. I still struggle with nightmares because of these experiences. I don’t want to stay stuck there so please try to be mindful when interacting with me. If in doubt, do not mention things or names from my past. 

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