Depression is no longer winning.

I decided to take two tablets of my anti depressant medication today. That means I’ve doubled the dosage. It seems to have made a massive difference. I have actually felt like myself today for the first time in a while. I no longer feel as tired but that probably won’t go until I’ve been on a higher dosage for a few days. I managed to go from wanting my bed all day to going on a 5 mile walk after about half an hour of taking my anti depressants. I had to get cat food so I decided to get that on the way around. I felt better by the time I got home but my nose kept running so I took a toilet roll with me. I really find my allergies annoying sometimes. It can be like having a permanent cold. The weather is actually quite warm today. I put my coat on but by the time I got home I was carrying my coat because I got too hot. I haven’t walked that far for a while which probably does indicate my lack of motivation linked to depression kicking off again. I noticed that I was getting more and more reluctant and unable to function but I didn’t feel depressed. I suppose sometimes it doesn’t come on as feelings of sadness etc.

I need to get myself together because my law degree module starts at the open university next month. I cannot afford to be tired. I won’t get anything done if I also lack any motivation to even move some days. I don’t expect to ever feel completely normal again but I’ll take just being able to function on a daily basis. I managed a legal slanted rant on social media earlier effortlessly. I’m hoping that my abilities stay at that level as they’ve been sadly lacking for a while. I’m preparing myself my degree course. The subject of Law is all about learning to argue technicalities. I am okay for the first year of my degree because it’s only the introduction module but I want to aim for the highest grades possible. That is easier to do if you’re incorporating practice into your daily life. I’ve struggled to write in a technical way for months due to this tiredness which looks like it was caused by depression. I have noticed that my writing is better since I upped the dosage of my medication. I have the type of brain that is a bit ADHD. Concentration can be one hell of a task for me. I don’t flit between one thing and other while I’m writing (or doing any other tasks) on a higher dosage of anti depressant. I’m not a huge advocate for medication but in some cases it can be helpful. I tend to think a lot when I’m driving but it doesn’t distract me because I’m not really using my brain to construct anything… unlike writing. 

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